The Way I Used To Be by Amber Smith // A heart-wrenching look at one girls transformation

The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith
Genres: Contemporary (YA), Coming of Age (YA)
Pages: 384
Goodreads

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.
What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.
Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year.

Pre-Warning*: This book deals with topics such as sexual assualt and drug use.

*I will be including this section in reviews of books that I think contain sensitive material that may be upsetting to some so you can decide whether to continue reading

The plot has similarities to The Coincidence of Callie and Kayden by Jessica Sorensen but not nearly has romance-filled and Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson in the subject that is dealt with. Whether you like either of those books or not, I would give this one a chance. It’s a beautiful and heart-breaking story. It’s a brutally honest story that I believe has the potential to touch many hearts. 

The only thing I think people will have a problem with in terms of story is the way the plot progresses. It follows Eden from freshman year to senior year in high school but there are many time-jumps. The book is split into 4 sections (one for each year) and leaves summer vacation and some bulks of time to your imagination. Personally, I had no problem with this because the highlight of the book is the transformation of her character, not the tedious drama she goes through throughout high school.

While I can’t relate to Eden’s specific situation, I did feel connected to her as a character. She isn’t always the best person to be around, she doesn’t always make the best decisions, but you really do feel for her internal struggle with the secrets she’s been carrying around. Also, while most teenagers don’t go through such trauma or dramatic changes due to that trauma, I think a lot of younger people can relate to Eden in that she feels alone and lashes out in destructive ways. 

You don’t get too much character development from other characters since they’re just the side characters to show the effects of Eden’s changes. While I would usually complain about a lack of character development, I’m not going to for this book. If there had been too much focus on other characters, it would have taken away from the main plot: Eden’s changes. So, I liked that they stayed as actual side characters.

Smith does a fantastic job at making this story so authentic through her voice and tone. I felt like I was really in Eden’s head, in her story. For a story so focused on character, that’s extremely important. Also, as I touched on earlier, I enjoyed the way the story progressed and how Smith decided to separate the story into four section.

Overall, this is just a wonderful book. It deals with a tough subject but does it in a flawless way. You get to follow a girl throughout high school and watch her change and transform in response to such a terrible trauma. I couldn’t help but tear up at the end. My only complaint: I want to know more. I want to know how Eden gets along after high school. I want to know how she mends so many broken relationships and her own broken self. Regardless of my curiosity and need for more, it’s a wonderful book that I recommend to everyone.

Rating Report
Plot
Characters
Writing
World Building
Overall:	5 / 5